Learning to Be a Godly Wife

I have been given the opportunity to share with some women lately about being a Godly wife. This is an excerpt from an email I sent to one of them. I thought someone else might find it helpful as well.

I wanted to share some verses with you about being a Godly wife. I'm by no means telling you that it is easy, but it is doable and it changed my marriage immensely. We struggled for years and not until I got to the point where I knew all I could change was myself, but I couldn't do that without the Lord, did things improve. I had to learn to depend on God for all of my needs to be met, trust Him to follow His word regarding my husband, trust that He would bless my obedience and I had to be willing to be unselfish. I put myself out there and began to treat my husband the way that I knew the Lord would want me to, regardless of what I was getting in return, and it turned our lives around completely. It didn't happen overnight, but it did happen. Patrick began to see a change in me and the best thing that happened was it caused him to want to be closer to the Lord as well. Here are some verses. I'm also gonna add some excerpts from some books I have read on the subject.

God's will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband. (The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."Genesis 2:18)

God's command to wives.(Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Epesians 5:22-24) Notice that this verse does not put conditions on submitting to your husband. It doesn't say, He has to be Godly, or reading the Word everyday, or spending time in prayer, etc. We are supposed to do this as unto the Lord. And it also does not describe the husband as a dictator. This is not God telling us to be doormats. He describes the husband as being like Jesus. We serve and submit to Jesus because He loves us and we love Him, we should also do those things for our husbands for the same reasons, but if we can't do it for those reasons, we must do it for the Lord.

Romans 14:12 says, Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. Somehow I doubt He's going to listen to my excuses about how I would have been the wife He asked me to be if that husband He gave me had just been a better man.

There is a book about marriage called "Love and Respect", it was given that title because we women desire to feel loved, but men desire to be respected. I once read in a book that when a man feels disrespected by his wife the feeling that he has is equal to the feeling that a wife has when a husband cheats on her. They feel betrayed. The surest way to show our husbands that we don't respect them is to act as if we do not trust them.

Everything that I do each day needs to glorify the Lord. Am I glorifying Him in how I respond to my husband? (So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31)

We are to do everything as if we are doing it to the Lord. Am I treating my husband in a way that is pleasing to the Lord? (Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23; "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40)

A description of love. Does my love for my husband look like this? (Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

The Traits of an Excellent Wife

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31:10-31

A couple of good books on the subject are "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace and "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl. If you are a new Christian or are just beginning to really submit your life to the Lord and live for Him I would suggest that you begin with "The Excellent Wife".

Friendships

I've been thinking on all I've learned over the years about friendships and isnecurities. We should be finding our security in Jesus and trusting Him to put the people in our lives that He desires to be there. If we don't have the friends that we would like to have, we should evaluate whether or not we are being a true friend. Can God trust us to be unselfish in our friendships? Or do we only want the friends that are constantly offering their help? What are our motives for friendship? Are we looking for what we can get out of it to have our "needs" met or are we willing to serve others and sharpen them. It seems like there are so many adults that forget that "to get a friend you have to be a friend". Are we frustrated because our friends don't call enough, or offer to help as often as we think they should, or don't get together with us enough, etc. ? Are we considering what their lives are like? I love my friends dearly and try to make sure they know it, but with working at home, homeschooling, the girls in dance, church ministry and just general homemaking, I have very little extra time to hang out or chit-chat. I love that stuff, it's just that the season of my life that I'm in does not afford me tons of time for that. Because of that I try to make sure that the time that I have with friends is fruitful, that I'm taking time for the friendships that I know the Lord is truly the center of, though we may laugh and chat and have a blast, inevitabely the talk will turn to the Lord. We're not spending time husband bashing or gossiping or complaining, we may share what we are struggling with and need prayer for, but not every little irritation about our home life or our church family or our other friends, etc. Not that I have never been guilty of those things, just that I am learning as the amount of time I have to spend with friends is so limited that it's not worth wasting time on such negative things.

Probably about 6 years ago I almost left a church for lack of friends. I'm so thankful that we didn't. The fact was I was needy. I was so insecure I was looking for friendships to fill me up, to make me feel better, etc. Seriously, who wants to be around someone like that. It's one thing to have real needs and a whole different thing to just whine and complain all the time about life. The reality was the Lord was not trusting me with friendships until I was willing to look to Him to meet all of my needs. I had to stop whining about everything not being just how I wanted it to be and trusting Him to provide exactly what I needed. Since coming to that point and looking to Him to put the people in my life that He desired to be there I feel so RICH with friendships. No I don't spend tons of time with my friends, but when we chat on the phone, at co-op, at church, on FB, read each others blogs, go to dinner, etc. It's such a sweet, sweet time and I'm so thankful that my Lord has taught to me these lessons and given me these friends.

Rings

I've just ordered this ring for the girls as a purity ring. The lady that is making them is in Canada. She is making them tonight and then sending them Air Canada. We are leaving in 15 days. Please pray that they arrive on time and visit her Etsy shop FROLIKandFRUFRU. She has some super cute stuff and her prices are GREAT!!!!

(Click on the name of the shop to go to her Etsy store.)

Fill Me Up By Jared Anderson

This is what you will hear me singing as I walk around or work at my desk almost constantly lately. I love it, it speaks to me and is my prayer!

Jesus I am thirsty
I am learning
how to hunger for more of You
You are the water
And You offer
life that is making me new
Spirit come

Fill up my lungs with air
My voice with prayer
And my mouth with praise
Fill up my heart with song
For the journey is long
And I need Your strength
Jesus Your love is more than enough
Come and fill me fill me up

Jesus I need mercy
I need cleansing from the burden of so many sins
You are the water
So I offer all of my life into
Your hands
Spirit come

You are water to the desert
You are the rain to the dust
You are healing to the broken
You are life won't You come

I couldn't find a youtube video or put it on my playlist. I did find his myspace page. You can click on he link below, then scroll down to his music player and click on Fill Me Up to play it.

http://www.myspace.com/jaredandersonmusic

It's All Coming Together

I got our room booked and curriculum ordered for our Passport2Purity weekend. I'm waiting on response from and Etsy seller then I will, hopefully, be ordering a ring for each of them. It also looks like a very dear friend of mine that has no girls and loves mine dearly may be going with us. We are all very excited about the possibility of her coming. I've got to look the curriculum over to finish finalizing plans. Can't wait!!!

Randomness and Some Prayer Requests

I rarely post just random stuff, but today I'm feeling random.

~I went for an eye exam last week and should have new glasses by the end of next week. I have an astigmatism and have had glasses for many years, but mostly they were for only when I needed the. They were much more important when I was in school looking at the board or working on a computer all day. Well now that I'm back to working on the computer so much, I knew I needed to go back in. Turns out my eyes are worse (seems like I'm even more aware of it since my check up) and I will need to wear glasses all the time. I think the new ones are cute and kind of trendy, but I can't really see myself wearing them all the time, so I may head back in the next month or so to get contacts, we'll see. Right now though I can't wait for my glasses to come in, I'm tired of this annoying blurriness.

~All of the crazy sickness and medical stuff we had to deal with last year and the travelling put me really behind on most of the other stuff in my life. Especially my work, so I'm working to get all of that caught up, then try to come up with more of a system to make all that I have going on mesh better together. Right now it looks like this will be the last co-op we participate in for a while. Kind of sad, but a relief at the same time.

~My step-son is in Army Basic Training. He left on January 5th and we've yet to hear from him. I knew we wouldn't get to talk to him, but I'm ready at least to get an address so we can send letters and such. With only an hour of free time a day I'm sure it's tough for him to write to everyone. He also has a long time girlfriend and everyone knows the girlfriend trumps the parents in letter writing. Makes it even harder for him that his parents are divorced. Anyway, I can't wait to hear how he is. We miss him terribly.

~We've decided that a theme for our family this year is going to be gratitude. I'm working on coming up with creative ways to teach that. Not that my kids are extremely ungrateful, but as Americans with so much, it's hard to be as grateful as we should be. I know we are planning to help feed the needy and donate some of our things to worthy causes. I think I will also try to teach them about other countries and how other people live (especially the Haitians). Don't know what else, I'm sure I'll get more ideas as the year progresses.

~I'm hoping to do a major cleaning out of this house. I've decided that with the amount of time we spend cleaning every day we should have an immaculate house, so we obviously have too much stuff. I talked to everyone about that last night. Needless to say no one was thrilled. I told them all that if they didn't LOVE it or absolutely NEED it then it had to go. My requirement is that when we are finished they will have room in their closets and dressers and no more toys than can fit in one toy box or toy bucket. I'm going to be adhering to that as well, if we don't have the storage space for it, it can't stay. I read on another blog the other day that a woman was cleaning out her closets and as she got to each one she would pray that God would show her what things needed to go, then when she was done she prayed again that He would open her eyes to anything she missed. She said it went better than it ever had. So we will be trying that as well.

~I have cabbage beef soup (minus the beef, haha) on the stove and I'm excited about it. I wanted something different and remembered that my Mom makes this and it's yummy. We are trying to cut back on meat. We love it, but it's pricey and we have realized that there are some things that we don't miss it in. Stir fry is a good example of that. When we have stir fry we only have veggies and rice and we do not miss the meat at all. I'm just saying that it isn't totally necessary to have meat every night and I've finally convinced my family of that. I'm thinking that I may start making a huge pot of soup at the beginning of every week and having that for lunch each day. I love homemade soup and I don't mind eating it over and over again if it's one that I really like.

~No secret that I need to lose weight, but it's more obvious to me every day, as much in the way I feel as they way I look. I'm just trying to figure out what to do that I would be more apt to stick to and would be a more gradual, permanent weight loss. I'm leaning toward little things right now, like making a list of low fat, low cal breakfasts that I enjoy and allowing myself only one serving of those each morning, trying to keep more fruits and healthy snacks in the house, healthy soups for lunch, more water, more exercise. You know just a healthier lifestyle without a diet plan. We'll see.

~I'm feeling a bit of an overhaul coming on this year. Like this is the year that things are going to really be ironed out. Our home in order, a healthier lifestyle, more productive schedule, more time in the Word as a family. Lots of little things like that. We're already seeing some of that happening and hubby and I are planning to sit down tonight to work on our budget and some scheduling changes. I'm praying it all comes to fruition, I'm not looking for perfection, just a lifestyle that is more manageable to keep up with.

PRAYER REQUESTS:
~My Pappaw is almost 95 years old and has been on a slow decline for years. He is not doing well at all and they are suggesting that the family try to visit with him this weekend as they are unsure how much longer he will live. I have been so blessed to have him this long and couldn't have asked for a much better Pappaw. Please pray for peace and comfort for him and the family

~My husband also went to the eye doctor this week and found out that he has cataracts in both eyes. He is only 44 years old. These are not the kind of cataracts that you get from age, so there is an underlying cause. Some of those causes can be smoking (he did for 20 years, but quit 7 years ago), sunlight, eye injury, diabetes. So he will be going to the family doctor in a couple of weeks and they will have to do blood work to make sure he is not diabetic. He has always had a hard time with his sugar getting low, so who knows......The eye doctor expects the cataracts to grow and in a year or so suspects Patrick will have to have surgery to replace the lens in his eyes.

~I have the opportunity to share or disciple a young woman. She did not grow up in a Christian home and only went to church when someone would invite her or for VBS, etc. She says she was saved when she was young, but has no idea what she believes, no clue what denomination she would consider herself, etc. She is very open and wants any info I can share with her. Please pray that I will share the right things in a way that is eye opening, but not overwhelming to her. She has an almost one year old and wants to raise her right, but doesn't really know where to begin when it comes to the Word and church. I'm very excited for the opportunity and would love your prayers.

New Reads

I've added a few new (really good) blogs to my blog list. You should check some of them out!

??? Purity ???

Okay ladies. This is a serious, thought provoking one and I need some input.

My girls are growing up. Sometimes I don't know whether to be joyful or sad about that. Mostly I'm joyful. They are growing into amazing young ladies and I'm privileged to be called their Mom. I also try to just embrace every season of life that God gives me. My season to have babies is over, so rather than mourning that, I choose to embrace this season. The girls and I have had a couple of the dreaded talks. Neither of which were as hard as I had imagined and honestly were better than I would have ever dreamed. The first was a brief one about puberty and what it is. It was very basic, but I wanted them to expect some changes. That one was pretty matter of fact and kind of funny. The second was a little more specific and I married what would happen with their bodies, with what needed to be happening spiritually to prepare to be a wife and mother. We all cried and laughed. It was great and I was so thankful that I got to share that with them, that they didn't hear it from anyone else first and it was a memory made and a sweet one at that.

I am planning to take the girls away for a weekend for their birthday this year. Thanks to a friends recommendation I will be purchasing a Passport2Purity kit and using that for our weekend. I'm very excited about it!

Here is where the question part of this post comes in. I have a great Mom and I am extremely close to her, but she is not the one that explained puberty or purity to me. So, I feel like I'm winging it here (of course that is much of what parenting is) and wanted to hear from all of you women, what did your Mom do well and what do you wish she had done differently, concerning teaching you about purity and for you Moms that already have grown up daughters, what did you do that you think worked and what (if anything) would you do differently? I'm hoping for lots of great insight hear and I know their are some very wise women that read my blog on occasion, so let me hear your insight. Please, please, please........

Homemade Whole Wheat Bread

A few years ago I was seriously blessed by a sweet friend, with a wheat grinder and all that I would need to make homemade whole wheat breads. She also taught me to make bread. In the last few years we both have been through several different recipes to find one that would turn out well enough to use for sandwiches. Fresh ground wheat is much bulkier than what you buy at the store and can tend to make a heavy bread that will overpower the taste of anything you put on your sandwich. Well for Christmas I asked for and received two Paula Deen glazed stoneware loaf pans.



I love them so much, I want 2 more!

They are slightly wider and taller than a standard loaf pan and looked as if they would make a more standard size loaf. Receiving the new loaf pans inspired me to try some new things in the quest for perfect sandwich bread. In the past my bread had been very tasty and was always quickly consumed, but it was just to heavy and short and squatty for a good sandwich. Well, my new attempts worked beautifully and I am so excited, so I want to share what worked with all 2 of my blog readers. LOL

First, here is the pic of one of the fabulous loaves (the recipe makes 2, or you could half it for one).

Isn't it sooo pretty?!?!? It is sooooo tasty as well.

I got the recipe from The Bread Beckers Recipe Collection, but I made a few changes.

3 cups hot tap water

2/3 cup canola oil

2/3 cup honey

4 tsp. salt

4 Tbsp. Lecithin Granules (I've never tried not using this, but it might turn out fine without it)

2 cups Gluten flour (you could use all purpose or bread flour)

6-7 cups Freshly milled flour (I use a mix of half hard red and half hard white wheat)

OPTIONAL: 1 cup freshly ground flax seed (I use a coffee grinder, but you could use a blender)

2 Tbsp. SAF yeast (I do think the brand of yeast is important, you could try a different brand I suppose, but this is what has worked best to get my bread to turn out.)

I usually get the lecithin, gluten flour, flax seed and yeast at Garden Cove. They tend to last me a very long time, so I do not have to go often.

Preheat the oven to 170*. Combine water, oil, honey, and yeast and mix well. Add gluten flour, half of wheat flour, salt and flax. Mix thoroughly. Continue to add flour while mixing to form a soft dough. I add flour until mine is just beginning to pull away from the bowl and then I let it mix for a few minutes to allow the wheat to the water. I then add the last of my flour and continue kneading until it's pulling well away from the sides and barely sticky to the touch (In other words when I poke my finger down in it it is slightly sticky, but does not stick to my hands when I am handling it.) In the past I have let it knead, per the directions, as much as 8 minutes, but this time I only let it knead for around 5 - 6, and it worked well (I do have a special mixer for this, you could probably use a Kitchenaid and I used to use and Oster kitchen center with dough hooks, but most inexpensive mixers will be taxed with the bulk of the wheat. If you don't have a great mixer you might want to only make a loaf at a time and possibly knead by hand, lots of work, but really yummy.) Spray your counter top with oil and dump dough onto the oil, then spray the dough with oil. Divide in half and place in well greased loaf pans. The dough should fill your pan about halfway. I put them in the oven and let them rise until doubled (for me it was 30-40 minutes). The center of the loaf had just began to peak over the top of the pan. I then turned my oven up to 350* and baked for 25-35 minutes, or until the bread had just begun to brown.

I will tell you, I've tried many people's recipes, that I know work well for them, but they did not work for me. I think some of it depends on your pan size. Loaf pans can be so different from pan to pan. If this seems to be too much dough for your pan, then make 3 loaves out of it. I think a good way to tell is you want the dough, before it has risen, to halfway fill the pan. I also rose it in my oven, because my home is old and a bit drafty and I couldn't get a previous batch to rise well. Rising it in the oven worked so well and went so much faster, that I will probably do that most of the time.

Let me know if you try it and how it works out.

Hanging On To Christmas

Every year I really want to get my Christmas stuff up the day after Christmas and I used to be very successful with that. The last few years it has not worked out that way at all. I think this year I was sick, then we were very busy. Last year for some reason I just wasn't in the mood to decorate. I guess I finished decorating 2 or 3 weeks before Christmas this year. Well, I still haven't undecorated. I intended to take everything down New Years weekend, but too much went on and we were barely home. I really don't want to put it up until it's warm enough for us to do a little cleaning in the storage room. You know it would be a lot easier to clean in there with all of the bins and trees not in there. At this point who knows when we are going to have another warm day. I'm sure ready for one. I have to say since we've been home so much this week and it's been so cold and snowy, I've been pretty happy to have my decorations to enjoy. Seems like we are so busy during the Christmas season that we can barely take time to enjoy them. This week I've sat on the couch and watched the lights twinkle on my tree while I could see the snow coming down outside my window and I must say it was lovely. They'll come down soon, surely. Or who knows, truth be told, we've had to take them down just before the girls birthday party in February more than once. ;)

Armor of God - Bible Study

Thought I would share the site we are using for our Armor of God Bible Study. We are really enjoying it. Maybe you will, too.

http://www.christcenteredmall.com/teachings/armor-of-god.htm

2010 So Far

We went to my cousins house for New Years and had a great time. We always do when we are with them. We had finger foods and boy was there a lot of them, watched some football (not my favorite thing, but the guys liked it), chit-chatted, shot off fireworks and toasted the new year with some sparkling grape juice. Then we headed home to begin 2010. Here's how it's gone so far:

The negative perspective:

1) When we got home and got out of the van the kids heard our cat moaning and meowing in a horrible way. Patrick began looking for him and found him lying hidden behind some things on our carport, unable to do more than barely pick up his head. He died within the hour. I got him as a kitten and had him for 13 years.

2) We have suffered a major spiritual attack.

3) Two vehicles have had dead batteries this week.

4) Josh (my 23 year old step-son) left for Army Basic Training and we miss him and are terribly sad that he will be so far from us.

5) The pipes to the washing machine have been frozen all week and we have been unable to do any laundry.

6) We woke up this morning to find that the hot water pipes for the entire house had frozen.


From our true perspective:

1) We are sad and miss our cat, but I was so thankful that he died here and did not suffer long. I had been concerned that, as cat's often do, he would wander off to die and we would be left wondering where he was and if he was dead or alive. I had also been concerned that his health would slowly go downhill and was thankful that it didn't. He was himself to the very end. We are sad, but grateful just the same.

2) Realizing that we were dealing with an attack of the enemy has actually been very good for our family. We were angry and confused when we became aware of what was going on, but with Jesus we have fought hard and many positives things have happened as a result. It has been an opportunity for us to really teach our children about the Devil and his schemes, what the Word says about who he is and what it says about how to deal with him. We are doing an in depth study of the Armor right now in the evenings after our Bible reading time, we are praying with the children before bed, Patrick and I are doing some reading together in the evenings as well as praying at night and in the morning together. I believe that through this battle we are all going to be better equipped, closer to each other, closer to the Lord and stronger, and I can't complain about beginning a new year with all of that in our favor.

3)I am so thankful to have a wonderful husband that has toughed it out in the cold without the first complaint to take care of our vehicles. I am thankful that we have vehicles that run and have heat and I'm thankful that the batteries did not have to be replaced.

4) While we miss Josh so much and are saddened by the distance. We are so proud of the man he is becoming. We are thrilled that he truly sought the Lord and is now walking the path that he believes the Lord is guiding him down. We are clinging to Jeremiah 29:11 for Josh and have peace that he has made the right decision regarding his future. At the end of the day, isn't that what we all want for our children. This may not be the road I would have chosen (because I'm human and selfish and this Momma's heart wants him here and safe), but I'm so thankful to serve a Father that knows so much better than I.

5) We have had a week of almost no laundry here and, quite frankly, it has been a lovely break. My Mom is always offering to help us with laundry (she offers to help with my siblings laundry as well), she works full time and, with only the two of them at home, doesn't have much laundry to do and I guess she sees it as the perfect way to help her children. So, she has done several loads of laundry for us and will probably do more in the next day or two. Who wouldn't be thankful for a sweet Mom like that?!?!?

6) We weren't excited not to have hot water today, but my hubby didn't have to go to work until 10, so we didn't discover the frozen pipes 'til later in the morning. By the time he had worked on them and gotten the to thaw, it didn't make any sense for him to go in, so we've had him home all day with us and I love having him here, so you'll not hear any complaining from me about the frozen pipes. All of this water freezing business and waking up to a chilly house (our house was built in 1898 and doesn't have central heat and air, so we turn the heaters down at night for safety's sake) has made me think much of those whose homes are colder than mine, who don't have the clothes and covers we have to bundle up in, who can't afford the powere bill so they won't turn the heat on, who have no home at all, etc. I don't want to spend a moment of my life bellyaching because one of my luxuries is not quite as available to me as it was yesterday. I may have in the past and I may slip up and do it again in the future, but my desire is to live a life full of gratefulness to the Father for giving me so much more than I could ever deserve.


So, if God has decided that we needed to begin this year with some valuable lessons under our belts, I sure hope we do Him proud and learn 'em and walk 'em out just as He sees fit.