Saturday, September 8, 2007
Do you ever have days when you just think, " I don't want to do this anymore". I mean anything "I just don't want to do anything anymore". Everything just seems so hard right now, like so much work, nothing seems to be coming naturally. I just don't feel like I'm getting anything right. I'm discouraged. I'm broken. The Lord brought me to this place about 3 years ago and I made a million changes. So many that I sometimes barely recognize myself. I became a better wife, mother, friend, etc. Now, I'm here again, I've made many changes (Lord knows I still have a long way to go), but I'm still back here. I must say it is much more of a helpless feeling this time. Last time I knew I had so much to change, so many faults, I knew I was bringing most of the hardships on myself. Now what? Now I'm not that person. I'm the one that works hard at being a godly wife and mother, who rarely ever lashes out at her husband and children, who isn't as insecure as she used to be (although I still struggle with this), but still I'm back here. Back to feeling unworthy, overwhelmed, fearful, etc. I'm sorry to be so gloomy, I'm sure I'll be better soon. I know the Lord is walking me through this for a reason and I know what it is. I've taken my eyes off of Him. Not all the way off, but enough that He's not the main focus. I know what I need to do, but for some reason, I'm resistent. I'm just tired, I'm weary, I want things to be easy. Please pray for me. I'll let you know how I'm doing.