Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Be Anxious for Nothing.....

As an adult, I dealt for many years with terrible anxiety. It affected every aspect of my life and almost cost me my marriage. There were many reasons for my anxiety and it's roots were very deep. I became desperate and the Lord placed me in the right situation with the right person at the right time and I learned all the right things and He delivered me from that terrible bondage. Every year of my life since then has been better than the year before. I'm a much better mother, sister, daughter, friend and especially wife. My husband and I are constantly growing closer and I am so very thankful.

The problem is that I have 2 children that deal with anxiety issues. My son has basic fears that I really think he'll eventually outgrow. He was afraid of lots of the rides at Disney World. The unknown factor really got to him, he didn't like the speed of some of them, he doesn't like the dark, etc. My daughter, however, has been gripped with fear from the time she was very young. There are some things that have improved, but not much and to some degree there are things that are worsening. She will not sleep alone, doesn't want to, but will, go to the restroom alone in a public place, panics about having to put her thoughts down on paper (writing reports, etc.), will not go outside alone after dark, etc. She is just overall very fearful. The worst seems to be the fear of vomitting....I know it sounds crazy, but she's always been what we've called our puker...If she has a fever, she will vomit...If she gets a headache she'll vomit....If she cries too much, she'll vomit, etc. If someone in our home comes down with a stomach bug she will immediately begin to cry because she doesn't want to get it. She also has reflux which is for the most part under control, but lately she has spent the night away from home a couple of times. Both times she forgot her reflux medicine, ate foods that complicated the reflux and didn't get enough rest, which proves to be a disastrous combination. She begins to have reflux, then she overreacts because she's afraid she'll throw up, then she starts crying and then she begins vomitting. I have tried so many things. I've had her memorize and claim verses on fear and protection, I've tried to teach her to pray through the anxiety, I've tried to explain to her the logical side of the situation and how illogical the fear is, we've consoled her, we've been firm and I'm now at a loss. I just don't know what to do next. I know that the idea of her growing into adulthood still dealing with this is very frightening to me and we MUST figure out how to get her past this. This has certainly reminded me of how much I NEED my Heavenly Father, of how I CANNOT walk through this on my own, of I DO NOT have the answers, but I know Who does. I believe that He will show us what to do and I believe that my daughter will receive victory over this fear.

I would love your prayers as we seek the Lord for answers.

Monday, June 21, 2010


~I don't think I'm gonna post my weigh-ins every week anymore. It seems like those posts are becoming a bit monotonous and considering this is going to be a long process....I don't think I want to be posting about weigh-in #40...if you know what I mean. So, I think I'll post about meeting each of my baby step goals and just continue to update my ticker. I may also occasionally post about new recipes or whatever, just not the weekly weigh-in.

~I feel like I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with my job. I began the actual training process for the billing cycle today. I've made a lot of headway on catching things up and I only have 2 weeks left. I'm so looking forward to catching my housework up, getting some projects done, doing some visiting, planning our homeschool year and having some fun!

~Today looked like it was going to be very crazy for me. I had to go into the gym to work for most of the day and I could not rearrange my schedule much. My daughter cut her foot on a rusty nail last night, so she needed a tetanus shot. It looked as if I would drive from here to my cousins to drop the kids off (12 minutes away), then from there to the gym (40 min.), back to my cousins (40 min), then to the doctor (30 min.), then home (20 min.). However, my cousin called early this morning and asked if the kids could bring clothes to spend the night, then she offered to meet me at the doctors office with my daughter. It turned out to be such an easy day. What a blessing! I worked (and got a lot done), did a little shopping (went to Ross), had supper out with my husband, then we just lounged on the couch and watched a movie.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

WW Weigh In #11

I lost 1.8 lbs. last week for a total of 16.8. I need to lose another 3.2 to make my goal of 20 lbs. by July 7th. I don't think I'll have a problem with that. I'm still doing pretty well. I'm not struggling with food, but I do need to get back to being faithful about tracking my food. I mentally keep track of it, but that leaves a little too much room for error. I want to make sure that I don't allow not tracking to become my downfall.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Lots of Inspiration

I've been frequetting 3 blogs lately that have given me a ton of inspiration on home decorating. They have great ideas for decorating your home on a budget. I can't wait to put some of their tips to use. I've got a few projects in mind already. I'll post pics when they are complete.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Fun and Funky and Mature

Yes, you can be all three. Just ask this El Fabulouso fabric that I found for my girls room:

You can see it HERE and I must add that I looked at it again this morning and it's on SALE!!! They are soooo singing my song.....(Gonna be making that purchase here in a few...)

See. I told ya! It also has a magnificent name ~ Meet, Glam Blue/Natural... What pre-teen would not want some glam in their room. So, here's the scoop. I have a bedding set that I L~O~V~E! I looked for it for a LOOOONNNGGG time, saved my Christmas and Birthday money and paid more than I ever have for a comforter set and it is AMAZING! I've loved it every minute that I've had it (except maybe the minutes ( errrr....HOURS) I spent trying to get a HUGE red mud stain out of the dust ruffle (thanks to the man that I married who shall remain nameless) and I love to sleep under it. However, I have always wanted a King Sized bed. My hubby loves to invite the kids in for snuggles at night or a pile-up to watch cartoons in the morning and I NEED MY SPACE (Just kidding....sorta...). My Mom has a King Sized bed she wants to get rid of and I'm going to take it off her hands. Which means I have to get a new comfortable. I've actually mourned that part of it. Gone over and over again in my head whether or not I could really part with my comforter set, but alas, I suppose I must. I did of course see if I could find it in a King Size, but no such luck. The girls need a new mattress and they will be getting our current mattress (which they love) and my beloved comforter sets (along with many convos about how they better not trash it). It's somewhat sophisticate, but a neutral color and would not look good in their current Berry (aka pink) bedroom. Not to mention that they have had that color in their room literally half of their lives. We have been racking our brains about what to do in their room. They really wanted a modern blue or aqua and we looked and looked and FINALLY found it. So, the inspiration for the room is the above fabric. I will be painting their floors brown (HALLELUJAH, no more white wood floor) and their walls will be one of the two blue colors from the fabric. The fabric will be curtains, throw pillows and I'll do a little re-upholstering with it. I will also be painting and glazing their furniture (like this minus the marbled looking top and with a little more modern edge to it)

and we have some BIG plans for some artwork. We are all soooooo excited (except when we think about the actual work part of it), but the finished product REALLY excites us! What do you think?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Music to My Ears.....or Eyes...

I got a VERY exciting text last night! My step-son is getting 2 weeks of leave in July!!!! We are so excited. Cannot WAIT to see him again! We're so blessed that he has stayed in the South for the first 6 months of his enlistment (and will probably be here for a while). He went to Basic only 4 hours away and now is stationed about 8-9 hours away. The fact that it's a pretty easy driving distance makes me HAPPY! I figure it will eventually get to the point that we will only get to see him 2 - 4 times per year. I dread that, but refuse to dwell on it. We're getting to see him more often than I thought we would at this stage in the game and I will just be thankful!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A New Lease....

I feel as if I have a new lease on life. For the past year and a half I've worked from home. It seemeed like such a great opportunity when the job was offered to me. What stay at home Mom doesn't wish they could contribute somehow? The problem is that I'm not just a stay at home Mom. I'm a homeschooling Mom too and for the last 10 or so months my husband and I have also been responsible for a ministry at church. Also, for the past year and a half I have beat myself up for not being able to juggle it all well. Like I should be able to be super Mom and be a great wife, mother, teacher, director, employee and friend all at the same time. Well, I have been losing the juggling act for a very long time. I had no back-up at work and most offers to get me help fell through. I worked on every vacation that we took. I worked everytime I was sick and got VERY behind when I had bronchitis for 8 to 10 weeks. I worked when my kids where sick. I worked when I wanted to playing. It wasn't a full time job, but I still felt tied to it. So, after much prayer and consideration and literally months of what should I do. The Lord finally gave me my answer. I sat down to work yesterday and thought, " I wanna go to the park and have a picnic with my kids." and immediately knew in my spirit I needed to quit my job. I called my husband and as soon as I told him he told me to go for it. So, I did. I turned in my notice and I feel like I got confirmation that I am doing exactly the right thing. From 2 people that are supposedly my friends, I received such a cold reception. No well wishes, no understanding.... It's not like I made it hard on them. I assured them I would stay until someone was hired and things were all in order. I promised them that I would not leave them high and dry. Even though when I worked for them previously and found my own replacement and trained her and helped them open a new department at a new gym, they paid her significantly more money than they had paid me. Even though my being behind has been placed on my shoulders and no responsibility for the fact that they never followed through on getting me a back-up or getting me help. Somehow it seems I'm the bad guy. Maybe it's partially because they are mothers that work long hours and miss a lot of time with their children and think that I have it made because I work from home with my children here. That argument doesn't work for me though. It's not like my hubby makes a ton of money, so I don't have to work if I don't want to. Thankfully my husband makes decent money and works hard to provide for us, but when I became a stay at home Mom we lived well below the poverty level, while paying child suppport and having newborn premature twins. We lived like that for years. It was VERY hard, but it was a sacrifice we were willing to make. The money has been nice, but I began to count the cost....I refuse to continue to live a life of regrets, sitting in a corner in my bedroom at my desk, while my kids are fixing their own breakfast and lunch and living their lives without me. That is not what God called me to and I will not continue to do it and I will not apologize for it.

We are looking very forward to some freedom. I have lots of plans for us to make up for some lost time. I can't wait!

Monday, June 7, 2010

WW Weigh-In #10

I lost 2 lbs. this week. Which brings me to a total of 15. Yay! Because of vacation I did have to adjust some of my goals. I had wanted to lost 25 lbs. by camp in the beginning of July, but it looks like I'll be more in the 20 lb. range and that's okay with me. 20 lbs. lighter than I was at camp last year is not too shabby. I may still be able to reach my 30 lb. goal for my anniversary. I sure hope so. One of my goals in all of this is to become more comfortable with my body for my hubby's sake. He's such a sweetie and really loves me the way that I am. He still looks at me as if I'm the same size and shape that I was when we married, but I'm so uncomfortable with myself that I'm so reserved. I just don't put myself out there very much. He's so very patient with all of that, but he deserves better. Hope that wasn't TMI, but it's all the truth.

I did fudge a little this week. I knew yesterday would be a weird eating day, so I weighed yesterday morning instead of today, so I wouldn't have a wonky weigh-in today and I could make up for it the rest of the week. Just knew I'd be eating a lot of sodium and didn't want retaining water to hinder my numbers.

Hope you all have a fabulous Monday!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Chocolate Gravy

I hear that Chocolate Gravy is a Southern thing and to be honest you either love it or hate it. We mostly reserve it for special occasions at my house, like Christmas morning, birthday breakfasts etc., but sometimes we have it just because. It was something that our Mom made special for us and her Mom for her, so it's a tradition for us. Everyone here, except my hubby, loves it. It may sound kind of weird, but think chocolate covered pretzels. It's kind of got that sweet and salty thing going. When my girls were little a neighbor and I would stay up late for girls nights and would sometimes have this (or cinnamon toast) as a midnight snack. I think you should try it....

Chocolate Gravy
1 c. sugar
2 tbsp. cocoa (can use more or less if desired)
2 tbsp. flour
2 c. milk (or water)

Place sugar, flour and cocoa together in pot. Stir with a fork until it's thoroughly sifted; add milk or water. On medium heat stir constantly until gravy thickens to desired consistency (It will get slightly thicker as it cools). Remove from heat and serve over a warm biscuit with a pat of butter.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Quick Buttermilk Biscuits

This recipe is from The Southern Living Cookbook. My grandmother gave it to me when I got married and it is my go to favorite. On top of recipes, there are lots of educational sections. I want to find something similar for my girls hope chest.

Quick Buttermilk Biscuits
1/2 c. cold butter or margarine (I use light butter)
2 c. self-rising flour (you can use 2 c. all-purpose; 3 tsp. baking powder; 1 tsp. salt)
3/4 c. buttermilk

Cut butter into flour w/ a pastry blender until mixture resembles a coarse meal. Add buttermilk, stirring until dry ingredients are moistened. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and knead lightly 3 or 4 times (I tend to skip the kneading). Roll dough to 3/4" thickness; cut with 2-inch biscuit cutter. Place on lightly greased baking sheet. Bake at 425* for 13-15 minutes. Yield: 1 dozen (3 WW pts. each)