The Wife's Role #7

Intercessor, Discerner - Your intercession for your husband and family brings you assurance of God's hand in their lives. Exercise authority over the enemy in the name of Jesus. Do not fear the work of the enemy; be alert to his attacks. Ask the Holy Spirit to develop discernment within you and to clothe you with wisdom.

a. Ephesians 6:18
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

b. 1 Thesselonians 5:17
pray continually

My Notes - "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." James 4:3 This verse greatly convicted me several years ago. The things I was praying for my husband were rooted in selfishness. I wanted him to be the Spirtual Leader, I wanted him to make more decisions, etc., but my motives were wrong. I wanted those things because I thought they would make life easier. We should be praying for them, for their benefit. If they are walking with the Lord those other things will fall into place in God's timing. Pray for his relationship with the Lord, pray that God's Word is opened up and relevant to him, that He will hear God's voice, that God will give him the confidence, strength, wisdom, discernment, understanding, compassion, etc. Pray the fruits of the Spirit over him. The Power of a Praying Wife is a VERY good book and will open your eyes to things you haven't thought of and as walking out that knowledge will strengthen your prayer life it will also strengthen your marriage. Also, understand how beneficial discernment can be in your own life and your relationship with your husband. It is very helpful to be able to discern motives. If your husband comes in for a long days work (Mine often sits on the hot pavement in 100* weather wiring gate operators.) and is short with you or doesn't respond the way you think he should, it's very helpful to be able to realize that he's exhausted and had a rough days work. Often as women we don't search the motives, we automatically take everything personally. They don't communicate in the same ways that we do , so discernement is very important. Think of things today that you need to start praying
over your husband, also, ask the Lord to reaval any selfish motives you may have had in your prayers for him.

Submitting with a Right-Heart

I just read a good blogpost on submitting with a right-heart and thought it be good to share.

Learning as They Grow : Defiant Submission isn't Really Submission

The Wife's Role #6

Reflection of Gods Creativity - Each woman has unique talents and gifts. Don't compare yourself with others, but allow God to develop what is uniquely you. You reflect a specific aspect of God's personality, and ministry flowing from you will reflect that to others. Your gifts and talents should complement those of your husband; likewise , his gifts should complement yours. Couples should flow in harmony even if you are ministering or working separately.

a. 1 Corinthians 12:7
7Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.

b. Titus 2:3-5

My Notes: God is so very creative. He did not make us all alike. We are all very different. We see those differences the most when we look at women and men. Your husband is not like you. He doesn't think the same way you do. He's very visual, you are more emotional/relational. In most cases you probably talk more than he does. You want someone to just listen to your frustrations, he is a fixer, so he wants to do something about them. His idea of clean and yours are probably a bit different. He probably parents a little differently than you. You have a choice to make.....stay constantly frustrated about your differences or be thankful for them. The outcome of your marriage depends largely on that choice. Choose to embrace that you are different, that God made two sepearte different parts that would one day join to make a whole. Your differences do complement each other, but you must choose to see the good in that. In our ministry I have seen time and time again how helpful it is that we are good at different things. Sunday's and Wednesday's are very fast paced for us. I don't have time to accomplish it all alone and it began to flow so much more smoothly when we realized what we were each naturally good at and allowed each other to operate in our own unique giftings. Ask the Lord to help you see your husbands uniqueness today, thank Him for making your husband different than you and strive each day to appreciate those differences.

The Wife's Role #5

Lover, Companion - Your first ministry is to your husband. Do not neglect him. Remain well kept and pleasing in appearance as an honor to him. Submit your flesh and emotions to the control of the Holy Spirit. Honor and respect him, compliment him. Be the physical lover he needs.

a. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

b. Titus 2:3-5
3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

My Notes: Guess I'll address these in the order in which they are posted.
~ For YEARS I put many, many things before my husband, including my children, my extended family and my church. Thank the Lord a VERY wise woman in our church corrected me and became a mentor to me and it CHANGED my life. If you're not putting him first now.....do it! It will change your marriage.
~I've been a stay at home Mom for 12 1/2 year and like most people my body changed after I had my babies, so none of my pre-baby clothes fit. That made it very easy to fall into the sweats, jeans, t-shirts rut. When I had to go somewhere nice I would dress nice, but around the house I was frumpy. A few years ago the Lord really convicted me of that. Men are VERY visual and I could not complain about my husband not being as affectionate as I would like, not telling my I was beautiful, not desiring me (he really was doing those things, but I was very insecure) if I wasn't trying to be attractive to him. We cannot expect to woo them before we are married then stop when we get married. So, I began to really work on being attractive to him and it made a huge difference! I try to wear more feminine clothes when I'm home. Nothing fancy, but shirts and pants with a more feminine cut. I dress nicer when we are going anywhere together. Anybody wonder why I'm almost 34 and have long blonde hair??? He LOVES it! Make the effort, it's well worth it!
~The last one is rather personal, so I'll try to be discreet. 1st - Pray about ALL aspects of your marriage, including the physical ones. If he desires more than you do, then pray for that desire, etc. 2nd - Don't say no. Meet his physical needs. You may be tired, you may not want too, but in the end will you really regret it? He wants to feel desired by you, too. Turning him down is a blow to his ego. You can do it...

The Wife's Role #4

Reflection of God's Love - Caring for your husband and family should be a joy and reflect the heart of a servant. Forgive quickly, not keeping a record of wrongs. Draw strength from the Word (ability to weather circumstances and minister healing and wholeness). Use words and actions toward your husband and family to nurture, never destroy.

a. 1 John 4:19-21
19We love because he first loved us. 20If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 21And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

b. John 13:35
35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
My Notes : I think the best way to walk this out is to truly understand what love is. Ephesians 5:2 Says, "and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
So we must remember that Christ's love was sacrificial. We have got to die to ourselves daily. We cannot walk around with a Me attitude thinking about what we "deserve", etc. That's not godliness. Christ was selfless and we are to imitate Him. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Tells us what love is: "4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails." We need to all take a personal assessment and see what of those things we are not, and ask the Lord to help us fix our weak areas.

Also, I think it is VERY important to learn you husband's love language. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. Mine is Words of Affirmation and Patrick's is Acts of Service. Which means he doesn't receive or give love the same way that I do, so if I want to show that I love him I'll get a lot farther by doing something nice for him, than by saying something nice to him. It also helped me realize that when he's doing all the things for me that he does, he's showing his love for me.
Here is a brief synopsis of what each love language is: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
and Here are some quizes and assessments you can take to figure out what your languages are: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Finally, 1 Peter 4:8 says, "8Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." We should not be pointing out all of their faults to them or anyone else. We need to show love to them regardless of their faults and we need to make sure to focus on the things that we love about them.

The Wife's role #3

Administrator - Skillful and godly administration will increase and multiply that which the husband has provided. As the Spirit leads, wisley invest that which is saved to produce even more. Know God's plan for you; spend time daily in the Word and prayer with Him. Prosperity comes from seeking the face of the Lord and knowing Him.

a. Proverbs 31:13-27 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

b. Luke 19:13-26

My Notes: I think this one probably looks a little different in every home. In ours I handle all of the finances, scheduling, etc. My husband jokingly calls me his secretary. Do I invest our money? No, but I do work very hard to make it go farther. I'm very frugal. I do lots of research before a big purchase and look all over until I've found the best deal possible. I'm very cautious even about our food, trying to make sure that we eat healthy, but frugally. Administrating a household requires creativity. I wouldn't call myself creative, but I serve an amazingly creative God and He will supply all of my needs, so when I need some creative influence all I have to do is ask Him.
What ways can you be more creative or more efficient in as administrator over your home?

The Wife's Role #2

Helper - Comes from Hebrew word "to surround". Not a secondary role; vital. Surround your husband with: Support, Exhortation and Comfort. Make available to him all the godly qualities within you to help him develop into the man God has called him to be.

a. Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

b. Proverbs 31:10-12 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

My Notes: I think we all pretty much know what a helper is....but what strikes me right now is that being helpful is the opposite of being harmful, so if we are meant to be a helper to him then we are also meant not to be harmful to him. The most commonly harmful thing that I can think of a wife doing to her husband is to make him feel as if she doesn't respect him. Do you question his decisions? Do you trust his opinion or do you ask it of him and then go seek the opinions of others? Are you insulting, even in small ways? Do you listen to his ideas? Again, those things that I mentioned yesterday work here : Ask him how you can help him today, what you can do for him? Think of ways to show that you respect him; listen to him, tell him that his idea was a good one, or that you appreciate his hard work, etc. Step outside your comfort zone today, say something encouraging to him even if it's uncomfortable. Maybe he'll be taken off guard, maybe it will be uncomfortable to him too, maybe he won't know how to receive the help, or the compliment.....but he'll never forget it....

The Wife's Role #1

At some point during a Bible study I recieved a list of 7 points in a wife's role to her husband/family. I'm not sure who to give credit for the list, but I thought it would be neat to share a point each day for the next week.

#1
Supporter - Respect and honor your husband, God has given men the desire to conquer. When a wife is supportive, a husband is more willing to step out. Criticism keeps him from going forth boldly. Respect the authority God has placed in him. Work together in decision-making. Don't side with the children against him.

a. Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

b. 1 Peter 3:1,2 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.


My Notes: Be his biggest fan and let him know it! Encourage him in all that he does...from the little things to the big. It's just not that hard to take him a cold glass of tea while he mows the yard. It's also not hard to say thank you, though if you are not used to saying it, it could be uncomfortable at first, but it easily can become the norm. I often call Patrick at work and ask "Is there anything you need me to do for you today?" or "I'm going to be in town. Do you need anything while I'm here?". 9 times out of 10 is answer is no, but he knows I'm thinking of him and trying to make his life easier. Let him hear you commending him to others. Seriously, if you are just beginning to walk a journey of becoming a godly wife, this is such an easy step to start with. I promise it will become more and more natural to you. I challenge you to think of a creative way to support him today and follow through with it.

Weekend Getaway

I just spent a few days in the mountains with my husband. We were celebrating our 15th anniversary and we had a glorious weekend. We could not have asked for more beautiful weather. We spent time doing what each of us enjoy doing. It was amazing! We drove up on Friday night. We've started reading books out loud as we travel and we've decided that it makes the car ride go by so much more quickly. This trip we read "Sweetbrier Autumn", which is a story of the history of Seattle. We really enjoyed it, but didn't get finished. I imagine I'll be devouring the rest of that one this week. The drive up into the mountain to get to the cabin was a bit scary in the dark. It was very rural, so the roads were not maintained well, they were steep and very curvy. I was thankful to have my very capable hubby at the wheel. We got in in time to veg on the couch for a bit before bed. Saturday we slept in a little, had breakfast then headed to Gatlinburg. We stopped at the Welcome center for brochures to help us decide what to do. Our first stop was the Arts and Crafts village. I of course enjoyed that part more than Patrick did. We bought a small watercolor painting for my mother-in-law for her birthday, bought mason a wooden toy axe, but my most favorite place was the quilt shop. I've always wanted to quilt, but felt a little intimidated by it and wasn't sure I could do it with a basic machine, and sure don't want to have to pay someone to do the quilting. The sweet owner of the shop talked to me for a while and convinced me that I can do it. She owns a very expensive long arm machine, but still chooses to do most of her quilting on her sewing machine. She recommended a good beginner pattern (which I love!) and I can't wait to get started. I loved being in that store. I'm pretty sure I'm now hooked! We left there and went to eat at The Old Mill, the food was really good and reasonable (we shared and it was plenty) and the atmosphere was lovely, we stopped by a candy shop there and I got some homemade toffee, a bear claw and some Zots for my kiddos (anyone remember those?). We also went into the pottery shop and got to see pottery being made. It was VERY neat. We then went to the national park and decided on a trail to walk. We walked to Laurel Falls. It was said to be easy, but I had forgotten my knee brace at the cabin and found it fairly difficult. We had to park quite a ways away, so the round trip for us was around 3 miles, a good portion of it uphill. Thankfully it was paved an my sweet husband was patient. The falls were pretty, but much too crowded and I think DeSoto has just as much to offer. We drove back through downtown Gatlinburg on the way back to the cabin. It was fun to people watch as we drove the strip. Once at the cabin we ate a quick supper and headed to bed earlier so we could get an earlier star the next morning. Saturday we headed out pretty early to get to Cades Cove. We spent most of the morning there and would have stayed longer if we had not forgotten the cooler bag with our snacks and drinks in it. We walked at least a couple or more miles while in the park. One of the trails we walked took us past a big red barn and up to an old home place. When we headed back to the van we saw two bucks in the big red barn. We were able to watch them for a few minutes before they moved on (some other people came noisily down the trail and scared them away). We turned and just across the path saw a doe and her fawn. We stood 10 - 15 feet away from them and were able to watch them for a while. Then as we continued on we saw one more doe. It was so neat. I've sat in my van and seen them many times or watched them through a window, but never have I stood so near to one in the wild. Breathtaking! We left and had lunch at a nearby cafe then headed to the outlet malls. I only went to a hand full of stores (I tried to be merciful to my sweet, patient man), but had great success in those stores. I was able to find replacement lids and hot/cold packs for my pyrex portables for a VERY reasonable price. I also found 6" mini loaf pans for a reasonable price and picked some up for myself and my Mom for our holiday baking. My last stop was the Old Navy outlet. I ended up with 7 items for $28 dollars. We headed back to the cabin early for a restful night in. We watched a movie (The Cross, which I HIGHLY recommend), then we spent a while in the hot tub. We spent that time really talking (the movie had us in a very thoughtful, reflective place) about where we were going as a family, what God had called us to and where He is taking us and what we need to be doing to prepare. A couple of notes from that: My favorite quote from the movie was "My unworthiness does not disqualify me from the call of God." ~ Arthur Blessit The movie really made us think about something we've heard our pastor talk about many times. If we cannot be faithful in the little things, how can we ever expect God to trust us with the big things. We know God is calling us to something bigger and that we need to be living in a state of preparation for that, but it convicted us that we needed to get a handle on the little things, to set our priorities and hold fast to them, to make time for the most important things. So, I'm working on a schedule that will help us make sure that we aren't letting important things slip through the cracks. Monday we headed back with a stop at a very disappointing Flea Market (when did they become an avenue for people to sell imported merchandise?) and at Bass Pro Shops and finally at lunch at Cracker Barrel. We tried to stop at a quilt shop in Chattanooga, but it was closed. We missed our children terribly, but were so thankful to have the time away. It was so good for us physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'll try to post some pictures soon.

P.S. All this lovely fallish weather, the time in the mountains, the antiques and the quilt shop, led to my latest background change. I'm loving it!

Divorce STINKS

No my hubby and I are nowhere close to divorce! Praise God we are headed in the direction of our 15th anniversary. That being said, my husband was divorced when I met him and had an 8 yr. old child. That child is now 24 and in Army Basic Training. Being the second wife and step-Mom was never easy. It's so hard to figure out how to do it all right and I'm certain that we made our share of mistakes, but we love him so much! We didn't get to spend very much time with him during is teenage years, by no choice of our own, but thought that the relationship was really improving. Anyway, now that he is in Basic we have received no phone calls, his Mom and girlfriend are getting all of those, only a handful of letters and now are not going to see him this weekend because he doesn't think he has enough time to visit with everyone, so his Mom and girlfriend are going to that. Rejection stinks and it's worse when it's coming from someone you love so much. Having to tell my kids we weren't going stunk. Just once I wish he had to be the one to give them the disappointing news. We are so disappointed, so very sad. Please pray for us, our hearts are broken.

If you are contemplating divorce and have children, do ALL that you can to work it out! See a good Christian counselor, die to yourself and be willing to put in a ton of work, effort and love even if your spouse is not doing the same. Trust the Father's plan for marriage. Be the husband/wife He has called you to be, regardless of who your spouse is being and trust Him to do a great work in your marriage. I promise it is possible!

Let's Get Physical (Intimacy in Marriage)

I found THIS great series on intimacy in marriage over at Learning as They Grow. Make sure you start with week one and read on through. Very thought provoking!

Prayers of an Excellent Wife (Giveaway)

So, the fleshly part of me didn't want to post this, because I want to win the book. LOL Thankfully the part of me that longs to see women learn to love and serve their husbands they way that God desires for us to won out! Plus, I've read The Excellent Wife and it was FABULOUS, so I think this one would have to be great as well.

Go HERE and read a neat little post on praying for our husbands and follow the directions to enter yourself in the giveaway.

A Poem

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;

I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite,

this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones,

young and old.

Later that day,

cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned,

I nearly knocked him down.

"Move out of the way,"

I said with a frown.

He walked away,

his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,

God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,

common courtesy you use,

but the family you love,

you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,

You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself:

pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,

you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time,

I felt very small,

And now my tears began to fall..

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;

"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"

He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em,

especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;

I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.

I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,

and I do like the flowers,

especially the blue."

I received this in an email. Not sure of it's origin, but I imagine that it's a bit convicting for most of us Moms. I pray today and everyday that we will each think before we speak and take time to look into the eyes of our children. That we will not get so wrapped up in busyness and the duties of being a wife and mother that we miss the tender moments with our children.

Learning to Be a Godly Wife

I have been given the opportunity to share with some women lately about being a Godly wife. This is an excerpt from an email I sent to one of them. I thought someone else might find it helpful as well.

I wanted to share some verses with you about being a Godly wife. I'm by no means telling you that it is easy, but it is doable and it changed my marriage immensely. We struggled for years and not until I got to the point where I knew all I could change was myself, but I couldn't do that without the Lord, did things improve. I had to learn to depend on God for all of my needs to be met, trust Him to follow His word regarding my husband, trust that He would bless my obedience and I had to be willing to be unselfish. I put myself out there and began to treat my husband the way that I knew the Lord would want me to, regardless of what I was getting in return, and it turned our lives around completely. It didn't happen overnight, but it did happen. Patrick began to see a change in me and the best thing that happened was it caused him to want to be closer to the Lord as well. Here are some verses. I'm also gonna add some excerpts from some books I have read on the subject.

God's will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband. (The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."Genesis 2:18)

God's command to wives.(Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Epesians 5:22-24) Notice that this verse does not put conditions on submitting to your husband. It doesn't say, He has to be Godly, or reading the Word everyday, or spending time in prayer, etc. We are supposed to do this as unto the Lord. And it also does not describe the husband as a dictator. This is not God telling us to be doormats. He describes the husband as being like Jesus. We serve and submit to Jesus because He loves us and we love Him, we should also do those things for our husbands for the same reasons, but if we can't do it for those reasons, we must do it for the Lord.

Romans 14:12 says, Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. Somehow I doubt He's going to listen to my excuses about how I would have been the wife He asked me to be if that husband He gave me had just been a better man.

There is a book about marriage called "Love and Respect", it was given that title because we women desire to feel loved, but men desire to be respected. I once read in a book that when a man feels disrespected by his wife the feeling that he has is equal to the feeling that a wife has when a husband cheats on her. They feel betrayed. The surest way to show our husbands that we don't respect them is to act as if we do not trust them.

Everything that I do each day needs to glorify the Lord. Am I glorifying Him in how I respond to my husband? (So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31)

We are to do everything as if we are doing it to the Lord. Am I treating my husband in a way that is pleasing to the Lord? (Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23; "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40)

A description of love. Does my love for my husband look like this? (Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

The Traits of an Excellent Wife

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31:10-31

A couple of good books on the subject are "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace and "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl. If you are a new Christian or are just beginning to really submit your life to the Lord and live for Him I would suggest that you begin with "The Excellent Wife".

My Wake Up Call

I read THIS blog this morning and it was exactly what I needed to read. It is a great reminder for us wives and mothers. Too many days I go about my day being selfish and thinking about what I deserve and what my family should do to help me. Don't get me wrong I am always doing things for my family, but is it enough and where is my heart when I am doing it. Am I doing it because I HAVE to or because I want to, because I desire to serve them? We must get to the point that we die to ourselves daily and truly become a Living Sacrifice to Him and our families and then to the lost and dying world. We must remember that our ministries begin at home and if we aren't fulfilling that ministry and doing it in a way that is worthy of the calling he placed on us when He called us to be wives and mothers then we have no business beginning ministries in other areas. This is definitely a call to action, a reminder to turn back to where I once was before I let busyness get in the way. I pray it speaks to others of you as much as it has spoken to me this morning. Thank you my Jesus for your ever so gentle wake up calls. What a faithful and loving Father you are!Read

Marriage Communication (From Focus on the Family)

I came across a very good article from Focus on the Family about communication in marriage. It has some really good points. Will cause you to think for sure.

Read it HERE.

Good Marriage Post

I just read this blog and thought it was a good reminder for all of us wives. Hope you enjoy as well.

Falling in Love vs. Living in Love

Hubby's B'day

Today is my husbands birthday and I just wanted to take a minute to tell you all how amazing he is and how blessed I am that he was chosen for me.

We met and fell in love almost immediately. It wasn't love at first sight, but Patrick who was recently divorced and said he would never marry again, says that he knew immediately that I was someone he could marry. Within a month we were pretty sure we were in love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Minor problem, he was 29 years old, divorced and had an 8 year old and I was almost 18. Our parents were none too happy to say the least. We had a really hard time when we were dating becaause of the negative pressure from everyone else. Honestly, it didn't make sense to me either. I even tried dating other people that were closer to my age, but it was not to be. Even when I was seeing someone else (which he encouraged me to do) we could not go a day without speaking to each other. We got married just a few months after I graduated from high school. Things were definitely hard for a lot of years (largely because of my insecurities and anxiety and the fact that we were not living for the Lord), but through all of that he was so patient. It is a joy to wake up every morning next to him and I can't wait to see him at the door every afternoon. He is such a hands on Dad and my children absolutely adore him. They have the relationship with him that I could have only dreamt of having with my dad. He doesn't mind a bit helping with the housework or homeschooling. He's just all around a fabulous guy. Our beginning may not have been as conventional as others, but there is not doubt in my mind this is exactly who I was supposed to be with for the rest of my life. Happy Birthday, my sweet man. I love you more and more each day!!!

Vow Renewal

We renewed our vows! We had a very small ceremony at Christ Cove with a very small group of friends and family. There was not a lot of space, so we only invited our immediate families and some friends who were present during some very transitional times in our lives (a marriage retreat, a marriage bible study and Patrick's trip to Mexico). It was great! Pastor Greg "officiated". Before we came out he sort of explained why we were renewing our vows (it was not an anniversary) and let everyone know that we wanted this to be a time of worship and welcomed them to worship with us.

We walked into Rita Springer's "You Are Still Holy". Kelsi and Josh (my 22 yr. old step-son) were first, then Keeli and Mason and then us. Pastor Greg prayed and then we began.

Here is a copy of the wording of the ceremony:

Patrick and Kristie, God has established marriage as the symbol of Christ’s perfect relationship to His Body, the Church.

Ephesians 5: 22-33 says: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church—His ‘body’ of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy; cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain, wrinkle, or any other blemish—but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body but he feeds and cares for it just as Christ does the church—for we are members of His ‘body’. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Patrick, God has ordained the man as the spiritual head, as the responsible provider, and as the initiator of love in this marriage. By His enablement, your strength must be Kristie’s protection, your character her boast and pride, and you must live so that she will find in you the love for which the heart of a woman truly longs.

Kristie, it is God’s purpose that you be a loving wife, that you respond to Patrick’s love in tenderness with a deep sense of understanding, through great faith in Christ who brought you together. By His enablement you will bring Patrick good and not harm all the days of His life and be a beautiful crown upon his head.

Christian marriage is not living merely for each other; it is two uniting and joining hands to serve God. Seek His kingdom first, and His righteousness, and He will add all other things to you. Do not expect perfection from each other, perfection belongs solely to God. You need not minimize each other’s weaknesses, but always be swift to praise and magnify each other’s strengths and see each other through kind and patient eyes.

God will lead you into such situations as will bless you and develop your characters as you walk together. He will give you enough tears to keep you tender, enough hurts to keep you compassionate, enough of failure to keep your hands clenched tightly in His, and enough success to make you sure you walk with Him. May you never take each other’s love for granted, but always experience that wonder that exclaims “Out of all this world you have chosen me.” When life is done, may you be found, then as now, hand in hand, still thanking God for each other. May you ever serve Him happily, faithfully, together until you return to glory or until at last one shall lay the other into His arms.

Will you please, as an expression that your hearts are joined together in love, join hands.

Pastor Greg (to Patrick) – Patrick, this woman whom you hold by the hand is your wife. She has given you one of the most sacred things under Heavan: a woman’s life, and a woman’s love. You may bring her great joy or cause her deep sorrow. It is not what you bring her in a material way that will make true happiness – riches without love are nothing. The gift without the giver is bare. The practice of those virtues as husband that you have shown her in love, will keep her heart won to yours.

Would you repeat after me: (to Patrick)
I promise, before God who brought us together, to love and cherish you, even as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for it, to lead you, and share all of life’s experiences with you, by following God through them. That through His grace we might grow together into the likeness of Jesus, our Savior and Lord.

Pastor Greg (to Kristie) Kristie, this man whom you hold by the hand is your husband. Upon your life, your love, and your devotion he will lean for strength and inspiration. He is going to look to you for encouragement, for cheerfulness, and for confidence. No matter what the world may say or think, people may forget him, lose confidence in him or turn their backs upon him, but you must not. May your life and love be the inspiration that will constantly lead him to greater dependence upon our Lord.

Would you repeat after me:
I promise, before God who brought us together, to love you and to cherish you, to submit myself to you in all things, to honor your goals and dreams and help you to fulfill them and to follow you through all of life’s experiences as you follow God, that through His grace we might grow together into the likeness of Jesus, our Savior and Lord.

You both stand before us as children of God, redeemed by Jesus Christ through your trust in Him, and His substitutionary death for your sin. You have recognized that your love for each other is a gift from God. Have you asked God to be the center of your home?

Patrick and Kristie – We have.

Is it your purpose to maintain a home that is truly Christ-centered, where the Word of God is read and obeyed; a home that is welded together by prayer, in which the Holy Spirit is your guide?

Patrick and Kristie – It is.

1 Corinthians 13 says: If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth, but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move---without love, I would be no good to anybody! If I gave everything I have to the poor, and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear. It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now. There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.

Pastor Greg –(to Patrick and Kristie) Do you pledge that you will work to make your house a home full of love, not only for yourselves but also for others; a place where Christian love is shared?

Patrick and Kristie – We do.

At this point we had Pastor Greg thank each of the people who were present that have poured into us and helped to facilitate the change that has taken place.

After that Patrick stopped him and totally surprised me with a beautiful diamond ring. I was completely speechless.

At the end Pastor Gretchen came up and prayed over me and the wives and Pastor Greg prayed over Patrick. We walked out to Rita Springer's "When I Think About the Lord".

Everyone joined us inside for a super yummy supper of soups and desserts. My sister-in-law and a friend surprised us with a wedding cake (they are sooo sweet).

Then Pastor Greg's son Spencer lead us in an awesome time of worship. Boy is he talented. It was AMAZING!

I will post pictures soon. A super sweet young lady came and took our pics and I don't think I will have the disk until the end of next week.

So, you may be wondering why we renewed our vows, and I would love to tell you. When we married we were truly not living for the Lord and honestly I'm not sure either one of us knew exactly what that meant. We both called ourselves saved because we had both walked down an aisle and been baptized and we both believed that Jesus was our Savior and occasionaly prayed, but we didn't go to church an certainly didn't live lives that were pleasing to the Father. When our girls were born we really had to lean on the Lord and His provision during that time was unbelievable and undeniable. So, we began going to church while they were babies and have been in church ever since, for most of the last 9-10 years. During the first 9 years I dealt with a tremendous amount of bitterness and anxiety. My family truly paid the price for that. Patrick was a good husband, but definitely not a Godly one. About 4 years ago the Lord delivered me from anxiety. Many things lead up to that point, many people planted many seeds that were watered and growing. At that point I really began to yearn for Him and started working really hard a getting to know Him, at living for Him and allowing Him to live through me. I began to work at finding out what a Godly wife really was and what did submission really mean and I began to walk it out. Little by little, baby step by baby step and as I did, the Lord began to do a work in Patrick. Coming to The Rock has really changed everything. The Lord has become so much more tangible to us. Largely because we are seeing Him alive in the people around us. These people are so real. So willing to be honest about their weaknesses, but share with you their victories. We have been taught so much and God has truly changed our household. We just began to really feel that this was something the Lord wanted us to do. To make a vow to each other that was authentic, that expressed what whe truly felt about the kinds of spouses we are called to be. We also felt strongly that we needed to make a covenant with the Lord, vowing to Him to walk out what He has called us to. So that is just what we did and I am so thankful. I hope some of this inspires somebody in some way. We have an awesome Father and if we just trust Him and do what He asks of us, we may go through some tough things, but we will experience that peace that passes all understanding and a joy that is truly unspeakable!

Be Blessed!!!

Created to Be His Help Meet~Chapter 1

I just started reading Created to Be His Helpmeet and thought I would share my notes from each chapter. They may seem rather random, but that's the kind of note taker that I am and I will be typing this exactly as I have it written.

~Regardless of what kind of person you have been in the past, with instructions from God's word, you can become a heavenly sent gift bride. You can still be your man's dream come true and in the process your dreams will come true also.

~A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor with God. Proverbs 18:22

~You were created to make him complete.

~If God created a special woman perfectly suited to be my husband's helper, would I be that woman?

~When you are a helper to your husband, you are a helper to Christ.
When you obey your husband, you obey God.
When you honor your husband, you honor God.
The degree to which you reverance your husband is the degree to which
you reverance your Creator.
As we serve our husbands, we serve God.
When you dishonor your husband, you dishonor God.

~ Who said anything about what your husband deserves?

~ It is better that the job be done poorly by your husband, than to be done well by you.

~ His place of authority does not make him better, it simply means that we are here to help him do his job better.

~If he can trust you he will make you his closest advisor, his confidante, etc.

~ A perfect help meets readiness to please motivates her to look around and see things she knows her husband would like to see done and do them.

~Meet-suited, suitable, proper, due, useful
A helper suitable
A helper suited to him
A proper helper
A useful helper
The helper that is due him

~ Virtue-a virtuous woman is far above rubies Proverbs 31:10
Graciousness - a gracious woman retains honor Proverbs 11:16
Wisdom - she opens her mouth with wisdom Proverbs 31:26
Prudence-a prudent wife is from the Lord Proverbs 19:14
(Prudent=discreet )
Goodness=Virtue

~A good help meet has a passion to be of service, first to her husband and children, then to others.