Monday, November 9, 2009

Good Enough ????

For many, many years I was so insecure, hiding behind a somewhat outgoing personality that made people think I had so much confidence and had it all together. My growing up years were difficult at home and that equated into more and more insecurity. I looked for it in so many different places, but even then the Lord that I only barely knew was protecting me. I had walked down an aisle. Was baptized twice as a matter of fact. I knew who He was and I loved Him. I wanted to please Him, to adhere to the lists of what you do and what you don't do, to be a "good" Chrsitian, but I didn't REALLY understand who He was. I didn't understand relationship with Him. I didn't understand how He feels about me. I tried to earn His love. I needed it so. I would try so hard, then mess it all up. I jumped back on the wagon many times, but no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough, it wasn't permanent enough, I wasn't perfect enough, in my eyes I was nothing but a failure and disappointment to Him. The thing is though, that those feelings are accurate. I am not good enough, I am not perfect enough, I do make mistakes, but He loves me. He loves me when I'm grouchy, when I mess up with my kids, when I snap at my husband, when I get started with my day and miss getting in the Word.....You get the picture. He knew before I was ever born, before He walked the road and died on the cross that I was going to make all the mistakes I have made........and He died for me anyway. That one realization was so profound for me. Nothing I have ever done took Him by surprise. The problem is not the thoughts, not the feelings of inadequacy, the problem is the focus. My flesh (I'm sure with the help of the enemy) focused all of those thoughts on me, on what I should do to be adequate, good enough, etc., but the point is to focus those thoughts on Him. I am inadequate, but He loves me, I am not good enough, but He died for me, I am not perfect, but He thinks of me. Even I, wretch that I am, am loved, thought of, danced over by a faithful loving Father.......and so are you!


Anonymous said...

I loved reading this post! One of my favorite verses speaks of this very thing and it has carried me through some trials of my own! Psalm 139
O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

Leslie said...

Beautiful post!!! What a sweet reminder of who we are in HIM! It is hard not to focus on our failings or our circumstances at times and view things through those lenses. I appreciate your encouragment to keep our focus on Him!