Submission. Sometimes that is a tough word for us to swallow. I know it was for me. All I had ever seen and heard most of my life made me feel like it was not anything that i ever wanted any part of. As a matter of fact I went through about 9 1/2 years of marriage doing exactly the opposite. As far as I was concerned, no man would ever tell me what to do and I told my husband that. I tell you, it is by the grace of God that he stayed with me through all of those years.
Well, about 2 1/2 years ago, I went through a major transformation. I went to counseling and dealt with a lot of stuff, but most of all I learned how to have an authentic relationship with the Lord and I learned what submitting really means. There is no way that topic can be completely covered at once. But, I am going to share a few major things that God revealed to me and how it changed my marriage.
1) If I was not submitting to my husband then I was not fully submitting (or trusting the Lord). He called us to be submissive and he didn't give us a lists of requirements. That means it didn't matter if I didn't think that my husband was as "spiritual" as I was, or if he prayed as often as I thought he should. As if it is our responsibility to judge our husbands hearts, or that I'm actually qualified to do that. It amazes me how prideful I was. The fact is that as long as he was not asking me to sin, I was meant to submit to him.
2) God also showed me that I did not marry a man who would want to control me. That, my husband loved me and really wanted the best for me and our children. I may not always agree 100% with his decisions, but sometimes that's because I'm wrong, and other times he wants my opinion so we can make the decision together. We also need to remember that God blesses obedience, and if we are not submitting we are not being obedient.
3) I also was always griping because my husband wasn't being the Spiritual leader. Well, God very boldly told me that he wasn't the leader because there was only room for one and I was filling that role. So, when I stepped out of the way he was actually able to fulfill that role for the first time. You know, I chose every church we ever went to together. When we moved and we had to choose a new church, God showed me that I needed to step back and let my husband do it. I argued with the Lord and was sure that he wouldn't choose the right one. And, again the Lord told me that if I was obedient he would bless it. So, he chose and we are in the best church we have ever been in. All of our children have gotten saved since we've been there and we have all grown so much, have made such good friends and this is the one I would have chosen, but if I had chosen it my husband would have always had a bitter taste in his mouth about it.
4) I always was telling people how passive my husband was and the Lord revealed to me that he had to be passive to keep the peace. I made him that way!
5) The biggest one of all for me was that I needed to be in control of everything. I had been hurt so much that this was my way of protecting myself. The only problem was when you do anything in the flesh you are going to fail. So the best of my plans always managed to fail, and then I would blow up! I was driving down the road one day and the Lord not so gently reminded me that I control nothing. He controls everything. When, I was able to release control to Him and my husband, I gained more peace than I ever thought possible. You know we have had about the craziest year I could have imagined and I've been peaceful through all of it. Before, I would have been distraught and somehow a lot of it would have been my husbands fault.
None of that was an easy pill to swallow, but things were so bad I had to try something different. After all my husband had bent over backwards for me and nothing had improved. So, I knew I had to trust the Lord and His design for marriage. Wow, when I did it changed everything. It opened the door to more spiritual growth for both of us than we have had in almost 12 years of marriage, it has made our home a peaceful place to be and I truly feel like we are back within the will of God and are under his wings of love and protection.
I'm sure i'll share more on this later. I hope it helps, and if you didn't need to hear any of that let it at least serve as a reminder of how awesome our God is and how much bigger and better His plans are than our own.